There are times when I sit in a service, worship session or even a sermon and upon hearing certain things said, wonder to myself, "Hmm. Was that theologically right?"

I had a short moment of such pensiveness at a my most recent service when the pastor asked the congregation, "And you know who is the happiness person today?" -pause for effect- "God. God is the happiest person today, because we are here to worship Him."

Wellll :/ The church wasn't really that crowded. And even if it was, its not about the numbers since not everyone present may have the right ideas of worship and God. And even if they all had the right ideas, they might not have the right attitude and priority of worship at that point in time. And even if they all had the right ideas, attitude and priority, there will be moments in the worship where the hearts will not be fully cast towards that direction. And. So on.

Then again, this train of thought can be extended beyond just a service or worship session to Christian living itself. Its the same sort of logic, God is happy because you are doing quiet time. God is happy because you are praying. God is happy because you decided to make certain decesions based on Christian principles. And. Wellll :/

Ultimately, it leads one to a humbling realisation that our love to God is a flawed kind of love. Flawed because, its not complete? Not the way it really should be? It could be felt that there is no big deal in saying this because we are already quite used to talking about our limitations with regard to God. Ironically, it might hit us harder if we are gently told that the way we were loving a person was flawed. Instead of guilt though, the first response would probably be to question how the person could be the judge in saying that such way of loving was flawed?

What love is... that is quite a major topic which shall not be what this post is about. Strangely, I don't think we need to define love to think about whether certain ways of loving are flawed.

Slumdog Millionaire gives us a few examples that can be thought over - Firstly, the love of a mother. She shouted out for Jamal and Salim to run away from the anti-muslim Hindu attackers instead of running first to seek her own safety. No one would really see anything 'wrong' with the love, except if we can clincially ask why not she fled from the scene as well and trust that Jamal and Salim would take the hint from everyone scattering away to also flee. They could always meet up again later. Using this example might be a bit of a stretch, but it does highlight one question. How correct is sacrificial love when the sacrifice does not do justice to a few factors? It might not be just about the sacrifice of life, but perhaps of time, of energy, of convinience. A parent who may refuse to accept gifts from his children so they "don't waste money". A friend who insists on having just a simple birthday treat at the fastfood center instead of a gathering at a higher end restaurant so his friends need not pay so much. A relative who insists that it would be all right for her to miss the gathering at the restaurant because she is busythat evening. Instead of paying for her fee and having her eat just for a moment, she should just not attend. Is it worth it to give up something for someone because on your terms, it is better for the person?

A more extended case - the older brother kind of love that Salim showed to Jamal. No doubt that he did love Jamal, he made it his responsibility to protect him, to the extent of possibly risking his life when Jamal was in danger. Yet, there were moments when he did not see how Jamal valued something and considered the importance of something that mattered to him. When they were kids, it was the Amitabh authograph. Later when they were older, it was Latika. It was love, but not love to the fullest and most absolute extent? A friend argued that this is not called flawed love, but just growing up. It is true that its about "growing up" and on a broader perspective, progression. That is argubly the beauty and miracle of relationships actually - that two individuals can move on, things around them can move on, and still catch up as if "nothing has changed" (though the sensitive will remark that it is different).

But that should not be said too easily. As seen in the relationship that gave this movie the touch of fairytale- the romance between Jamal and Latika. Those who wait. Those who are faithful. A clinical question to ask here is what exactly are you being faithful to? A person? The notion of love? A memory of what was shared? A memory of a Latika being left behind as the train rushed on? To quote another friend, "People dilute and reduce it[love] to a feel-good and mysterious entity that fits into whatever concept they desire or percive" Such a generalisation pokes into the devotion of Jamal to Latika, and undying devotion in general. Because the fairytale usually ends the story as "happily ever after" when the courtship is complete and the part two of living together and having kids isn't revealed, is such lasting devotion also in some way a flawed way of loving? If in the end, the fairytale doesn't work out, things happen, 'love' somehow doesn't find a way - then what?

Argubly, thinking about flawed love easily leads one to the thought of "It could have been so much more beautiful." But after flaws and all the mixtures of emotions that can arise due to the defeated expectations from the desire of 'perfect love', it might be wisely realised that actually. If not for it, beauty and love would not have the appreciation it deserves. (As flawed as the appreciation of beauty and love is, that is.)



Usually I'll conclude with a quote right. Friends have confessed that sometimes they 'can't stand' going through the whole thing and just drag down to the quote. (Yes, forgiven -_-) This time -

I've heard this quite a lot. Had bought the album randomly cos it happened to be cheap. Listened to the tune for the first time on a long bus ride. Decided to loop it when I went for a jog.

I used to feel that the lyrics were quite selfish. Then, after hearing it for so long... Somehow, I just feel that after the bridge, by the third time the chorus is sang, the self-centeredness has been slowly dissolved, and whats left over is a silent, assured, trustful acceptance. It's no more the bitterness of "I want you to know", but about the moment and about the letting go.

In a way, it illustrates how as time goes on, some things become more important to you, and some things less important.

And that there is a difference between you mean so much, and you mean so much.

Labels: muse, stars

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