Recently, there was an NSF posted to my department who was cited to have the condition of agrophobia. Actually, other than the email I received about his case and certain episodes when I saw him, I can't say that I know him that well. One of this episodes was at a departmental event when I was walking with my colleague towards a table to have lunch.

He was seated by himself , and this was pretty prominent since the other tables were all occupied by groups of 5 or 6, cliqued naturally by office divisions. After settling down, I saw that the office division he belonged to had actually signaled him to join them to eat with the causal, "Hey, come la. Sit here." which he turned down with a silent shaking of his head.

Agrophobia (as wikipedia says) is an anxiety disorder, which can be literally translated to 'fear of the marketplace' from greek. With such a condition, panic attacks come when the sufferer is in an environment where he/she perceives to have little control over the situation, when feelings of being trapped or insecure arise. The greek origin of the word does illustrate how crippling such a disability is, since the marketplace was probably the place where all the economic transactions would occur. Agrophobia would hence render a person unable to carry out his buying and selling, and daily needs.

But to say the least, marketplaces aren't the worst of humans. Being sadly more complicated than that, we can come together to provide many more effective instances where one can be convinced of the perception that he/she has little control over the situation, and when one feels insecure or trapped. I mean, the irony of being in a crowd but feeling alone is just one way one can realise an insecurity. There are others.

A principle highlighted in this, is that being sheltered does not necessarily mean one is secure. In fact, it could well be an inverse proportion -the more sheltered one is, the more insecure he is- can arguably be an accepted 'absolute' statement.

I thought about this when watching the NUS Eusoff Hall production, "You've Got a Friend in Me". John, whose imaginary friend whom he thought he had gotten rid off when he was 13 'returns', together with three new extra 'friends'. So the production mainly goes through how John manages with these 'friends' that no one can see except him. It can be suggested that person can create imaginary friends to tackle an insecurity (one friend for one insecurity even. lol.), while that is possibly another instance of how insecurity functions, something with less psycho-drama and which an everyday human can relate to, is the judgment of reality.

Maybe we can say that we learn this as we grow up. First, through the simple physical objects, and then onwards to the more subtle social dynamics and unspoken rules of society. We finally get to a somewhere when we feel comfortable with our judgements (and leave the philosophers behind to grapple with the more abstract judgements unrequired in the marketplace, like concepts of justice and time, and security)

Still, in that comfort zone, we don't learn everything about making judgements. There are gaps in how effective our judgement is when it comes to certain things - and thats especially the case when it comes to relationships and people.

Fundamentally, that is a little bit of what agoraphobia is about - a failed judgement or perception about relationships and people. When the perception is fuzzy or wrongly assumed, it is thought that we don't have control over the situation, and so one feels insecure about it.

As sensitive one can be, it is sometimes hard to discern realities socially. Maybe, when parents/elders give pep talks which are on repeated topics, they are actually finding a comfort in that intersection that both of you can relate in? It might be the few topics that can bring that familiar connection between both. Maybe, when a younger sibling keeps constantly doing a certain action, its because the person would like to spend more time with you. Maybe, when she said that in the message, it meant that..

In that sense, the term 'agoraphobia' is quite rightly named. The 'marketplace' works in that way afterall - displaying goods, showing what you got, trying to outdo others with your goods so you can make that transaction, allowing you to move on with a better life. Ultimately, the one who has the most 'control', 'wins'.

But we should take comfort in the fact that there will be places that won't be 'marketplaces'. There definitely still are.

Family, close friends, loved ones....and maybe even some parts of church.

Blatant sarcasm aside (:P), it does make sense why Paul prays for the Philippians (1:9) in this way-

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,"

in the sense that, as Christians, we're supposed to grow in the understanding of judgement. And there probably is no better way to grasp that understanding then when we grasp it sincerely through abounding more and more in knowledge and depth of insight of love.



"How do you know what is real is not something you are imagining, and what you are imagining is not something that is real?" -- Edward, You've Got a Friend in Me

Labels: Life, muse

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