Reflecting simply - Because one cares
A few weeks back, I had knocked off from work and was riding a bus towards IMM to meet my mom for dinner. I was initially accompanied by my colleague, but after he alighted I had still quite a long while before reaching the place.
So I stared out of the window for awhile, looking at the crowds of cars and people rushing back to their respective dinner appointments, evening activities and whatever other activities that the bustle justified.
In the midst of all this, I spotted an old Malay man, probably in his sixties, who was walking slowly towards the area that those flagging the bus were at. He was bespectacled, balding and had a weathered face which I could observe better as he boarded the bus, walked carefully towards my direction and sat himself on the sit beside me.
He caught his breath and naturally surveyed his surroundings, taking a quick glance at me. Well, a usual practice of mine is that when someone who isn't of any obvious threat makes eye contact with me for some time, I'll smile (Some chain email says smiling brightens up a person's day I think. And as lousy a source it is to build a conviction, it doesn't hurt :P)
He seemed pleased at my friendly gesture, and begun conversing with me. After some small talk about where I was going, how old I was, what I was doing etc. He got excited when I told him that I was serving National Service in the Police Force, reason being, he was formerly from the Force.
Frankly, I could not understand more than half of what he was trying to tell me. He was speaking mostly in malay and in a smattering of English. So, I listened, nodded and tried to find out more of what he was saying through his gestures.
What I could make out of all that, was that he had been in the Police Force ever since he left school. He served in many divisions and the prime of his service was probably in the Police Coast Guards. He probably had no children, and was not married. Now, he had retired from the Force for about 5 years and was working part-time as a Security Guard at IMM.
If he ever felt obsolete, left out by the pace of how things were going, unable to keep up to the progress of society - He never showed it. In retrospect, the only reason why such things would come to my mind was only because of the societal stereotype.
If I were to judge merely on how he presented himself, he had pride. Pride for being a member of the Force. Pride for doing a duty for the country. Pride for completing what he had done.
For a moment, I was angry with my judgement - because I couldn't help but feel a sense of pity. I do not think that pity is actually what such an individual deserved. And as I reflected on why I called him 'Sir', that it was not really out of a sincere respect of his duties, but really because I wanted him to feel like he deserved the pride he felt.. Sigh.
We alighted the bus together, and I thanked him for all his advice although I had not much idea what was really said. But before I could leave, he held onto my hand and kept repeating a phrase - 'Sindiri Jaga Sindiri'
"Okay Sir, I will find out what that means. Thank you Sir!"
What it literally translates to (as Danial says) is 'Self take care of self'
As much as this tale doesn't really amount to anything inspiring - to me, it reveals a deep and painful paradox.
But Time, to make me grieve,
Part steals, lets part abide;
And shakes this fragile frame at eve
With throbbings of noodtide.
- Thomas hardy
Labels: muse
_____________Zoneseekers..::
by a perspective that relies on the author of Truth...
10:14 PM
Reflecting simply - play
One thing I appreciate about my new home is how peaceful the place is. I've actually complained a few times that I miss the good location of my old place. I used to live very near to an entertainment center, a library, countless of food outlets and an MRT/Bus Interchange. After getting the hang of taking and changing buses, learning which transfers get me to where, waiting times and etc though, I'm starting to appreciate the ulu-ness of my new home.
One advantage this new ulu location gives me, is a really nice, serene and breezy area to jog at. My jogs nowadays usually take me past a long canal with still waters, with a variety of canopies and clear skies that I'll past before reaching a stairway that leads me into a park area. Usually, I would use the footpath that encircles the basket-ball court and playground to do a few rounds, ignoring whats actually within the circle. Today though, my feet somehow decided to take me into that area.
Thus I paused, and caught my breath. I walked into the playground, absent-mindedly spinning those plastic bars on the Tic-Tac-Toe gird thing and half-smiling to myself at the kids who were ignoring they're grandparents' calling for them to go home now.
You know Singaporean playgrounds all look like about the same? (Most of our buildings are la actually, lol. ) This one was the version that you can climb up steps to reach a "roof-top" place, and get to the slides. And there's two types of slides - the "normal" ones where one doesn't have to climb up to high to reach, and then the big twisty one thats shaped like a screw.
I confess that when I was much, much younger, I feared playing on the big twisty slide. Every time I went to the playground, I would always play on everything else, avoiding only that big slide... eventually, I did grow out of it of course.
But today, as I observed the orange slide - something that my full height had actually reached beyond the starting point of it, I knew I couldn't play on this slide too.
This time, it was not because of a childish fear of heights. This time, the fear was more due to rules of social order, or in other words... too many adults and children were looking.
Perhaps it is a rule for our fears do take this two-phase route:
First, we fear doing something because we think we cannot. And then, we fear doing that same something because we feel we are not allowed to.
Things like the dreams and hopes of a new progress, the betterment of society and even of humanity.
Things like pondering over the wonder of a seed, being amazed at how a stone can never grow into a tree, but a tiny object like it can.
Things like enjoying the company of your parents and wanting to spend time with them.
Things like remembering a song that you liked in primary school, and humming its tune as you go to work.
Things like waking up just a little earlier, to stare out of your window and enjoy the morning's beauty.
Things like breathing in that fresh morning air - and being grateful.
Eventually, I jogged away from the slide and back onto the footpath. Then I made my way back home.
"The worst moment for an atheist is when he is genuinely thankful, but has nobody to thank." - Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Labels: muse
_____________Zoneseekers..::
by a perspective that relies on the author of Truth...
9:52 PM
Reflecting simply
One way how NS can
not be a waste of time is because its a useful time for reflection - Sincere, true and deep reflection.
I think its questionable whether I have actually done such over the past of my training phase, even as I've left the Training Academy and have entered my vocation. The danger of living so within in expressions of philosophy, the danger that emotions and phenomena can be turned into clinical dissections, the danger that persons and situations can translate into mere abstractions - the danger that I've been trying so hard to avoid, and to run away from... this danger has seem to have me in its clutches as I pause to contemplate the moments and to recall the past.
Perhaps I've been pensive. Yet, I can't help feeling that sometimes, to think about things and to think about things are very, very different. I admire my friends who reflect without needing the language of philosophy - who think about growing up. About people. About friends. About family. About learning something new in life. About change. About God. The simple cliches that I overlook now like regrets, smiles, photos, dreams, chocolates, books, handphones, dogs, paper, cluttered desks, pens with no ink, distant skies, gentle breezes..
Things that matter... and thus argue the loudest. I should never forget.
Labels: muse, NS
_____________Zoneseekers..::
by a perspective that relies on the author of Truth...
10:24 PM
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