It started of as a question (um. posed to guys.) - Lets say that there suddenly appears a girl who in your terms, is 'perfect'. From personality to interests to attractiveness, you know intellectually that she is -meant- for you. Everything clicks, the chemistry is right and it is exactly as your dream girl should be. And, she likes you. 

But, for a certain reason, you don't like her. Somehow, the emotions don't come along with the analysis that your mind figures out. 

What would you do?

I asked two friends. 

The first answered by refering back to his first basis of love - that it is unconditional. Hence, it doesn't necessitate a criteria of who you are, where your from and what you do. Its a force that goes beyond that. Hence, he would handle it by telling her that he really appreciates everything that she is, but that he can't love her. 

The second found the scenario itself questionable, but obliging to the question, refered to his basis of love as an intellectual willingness to conciously do the best for the other person. It is possible to will oneself to love someone. So he says he will try to like her and hence, love her. The emotions will come in time. 

I then added an extension to this question - Say, this girl is one who doesn't share a context with you. She does not know your immediate social environments, is not associated to any of your close friends, and has not and will not be in contact with you on a long term basis. It was a sudden chance meeting that you met her, and by no means will there be future opportunities for both of you to meet.

This background seemed to add sense to why such one would give such a response to such a situation, and got both friends pondering the issue more carefully. And if readers are emotionally sensitive enough, they would have gotten my drift too. 

First, I must qualify-  to clinically dissect love, especially if we were to do it in a psychological or philosophical fashion, is not something any sentient being will enjoy. I don't. Love is too grand a concept to unpack into simplified variables.  Yes, its holistic and a complete entity that should not be broken up. As much as this is a rational analysis, I will  try to do it from an emotionally sensitive perspective. 

But anyway, in raising the above two questions as well as my friends responses to them, it would present us with a few components of romantic love, essentially - the mind, the emotions, the will and the context. The question is really, what is the superior component over the rest? A cliched question, some may think. Because there's always the cliched answer of - everything matters. Even hollywood's principles of romance: guy meets girl, swoon over each other, get into situations that lead towards more situations and finally, they get together seems to be a package of mind, heart, will and context. The common man's wisdom has also educated us about the need for the mind in all this raging passion. Don't rush into it, think about the implications. If you are not ready, and you really love her- Stop. Wait. And while at it, think about it.  Yes, the world today does have a grain of such morals in the midst of the 'love is blind' factions. And even if they don't, the society's conscience knows somewhat that such is the right thing to do. 

So, enough has been debated over the mind and the heart, and there are enough stories about which should take the superior seat. The component we're to consider in this post is the context. 

Society has created functions to allow for the elements of each component to come into effect. But within each, the context seems to be the outstanding one that is attempted to be created. Of course maturity plays a role - whether we give that bracelet to prove a worth, or to express care. Whether the flowers are bought to impress a crowd, or to brighten her day. Whether that cake is made to show devotion, or because you are devoted. But when society allows such gifts in courtships - from the significance-attaching soft toys to the painstakingly folded cranes that allow us to be sentimental, to build memories and create emotional attachment, what they provide ultimately, is a context. Guys who aren't assholes (we do exist girls. lol.) all know the tacit principles of how to treat a girl well (okay, maybe we're still figuring out. But you know, we do try.) Even the societal device of dating itself - to meet at a set time, in a set place, to do an activity together was somewhat there to allow individuals to build up a context. 

And perhaps its because we're finite, changing beings that means that we're ever so dependent on the context with regards to romantic love. While stuck in it, we employ our trying-to-control-our-lives means of dating and getting to know the other better. But, even hollywood knows that a great romance story means a lot of chanced upon situations that is probably only possible with a divine hand that has a sense of humour. 

So as aftermentioned, the second question I asked, led to the third of 'So which do you think is the most important component of love if you were some cold, mechanical, unfeeling creature that is willing to do no justice to it by ripping it apart?'

My first friend answered that, aftering thinking about it - it would be the context. Every else will fall in place when the person is in your proximity and in the right situations. 

My second friend answered that, he would still think the mind is the superior indicator. A union of two minds, and thus a blossoming of love will be possible.

And well, as my first friend said, we all don't disagree with each other - be it the criteria or the conditions. We know the signifance of each factor. 

Hopefully, years later when we get a deeper grasp of such a concept will we finally look back, read this thing and laugh.

And may I decide that I shall not write a sequel about it, because I can't. 

-- Last stanza of Walking Away, by C Day Lewis