When the attention one spends is shifted away from yourself, and towards the lives of others, trying at means to ensure their welfare and directing yourself to be more relevant to be able to teach in a way that is hopefully more impactful, being invovled such that the concerns you have fade into theirs - the best reward is probaly a sincerity. Sincere willingness to learn, sincere attitude in change, sincere feelings that show out. Pouring out of yourself is just, tiring. And when one finally gets back to focus on his own life as well, it is only to be realised that its not the best in the first place anyway.

While trying to grapple at a sincerity from another party which cannot be done anyway since he is the one possessing it, the ironic feeling that one gets when such tests are reapplied to himself that he realises the need to grapple at his own sincerity to enable the change.

Of course one can't do this by himself, and by no means I am.
But I still am tired.

Labels: muse

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