In every RPG, I'll always find myself having a favourite character. It comes naturally, really. With a bit of discrimination, a bit of favorism, a character that I find interesting and deem as a favourite can come quite easily. Every veteran would notice that in all RPGs there are be uniform personalites and roles fitted into the storyline. For the two extreme cases of RPGs 1) The solo Hero, 2) The heroes, both are enjoyable in their own ways when you seek quest-line understanding or character chemistry. Anyway, here's a chart of my favourite characters out of a few of my favorite RPGs;

Final Fantasy 6 -- Locke Cole
The treasure hunter. A relatively good fighter if you know how to use him well and give him the correct wepons. He can be considered one of the main characters of this anti-main character game since you get to use him so often. Because much of his past is not really revealed and only just assumed, it makes interesting guessing and relation.

Mario RPG -- Mallow
The 'tadpole' from Frogfucious' pad that's actually not a tadpole. His an extremely cute cloud-like, fluffy creature and acts childishly and innocently most of the time. But under that childish impression is a courageous one with hidden philosophical themes underlying his words. In my experience, his not very good in battle, but has a cool skill that can read the minds of enemies your fighting.

Chrono Trigger -- Frog
A kinght from Guardian Castle in 600 A.D., turned into a frog by Magus after a battle in the past where his best friend had died. A true blue knight's story with the essence of brotherhood, honour and sacrifice in it. Okay... I guess Frog isn't really that good in battle, but his stats are the most well-rounded and he does the best double and triple techs. A moral behind this - A good man (or frog) fights best along side with his comardes.

Tales of Phantasia -- Chester
The best friend of the main character that hides his vengence of the devestaed village behind an easy-going front. Not much of his story is revealed since a bulk of the time was spent in the past where he was not taken back. Still, his cool. An awesome and indisposable figher as well, being an archer, he blasts arrows at enemies for critical damages at long range.

Legend of Zelda Games -- Link
Well... pretty obvious here. Zelda games leave imprints not through dialouge, storyline but rather through the aftermath satisfaction. Well, its an RPG I enjoy, but in a different way from the rest.

On a side note, there are several other solo-hero type RPGs and I guess I won't need to mention my favorites for those. Sometimes when your presented with only one true character, the need for comparison and selection defeats itself.

Perhaps this is a sequel to my rant on influence. When the view of a test of influence is casted onto the dark side, victims will find themselves unwittingly and, more often then not, unwillingly, invited into the battle of tolerance. Its when you can't stand a certain substance; when your irritated by a certain element in a situative aspect involving relationship, connectivity, unintellegent discrimination and logical dislike. There is no real litmus test to tolerance and theres obviously several different levels to what to be tolerant about. Tolerance is also a variable affected by many other variables and is beeseched upon by not runing a reputation as well.

But while tolerance is associated with being 'right', there are a handful of circumstances whereby its not politically correct; such cases exist on the conversational, social, moral, political and dogmatic levels. But then again, tolerance can be presented in many ways and forms. When someone says he is 'tolerant about your beliefs', he can mean that he is feeling irritated and angry at them and he also implies that he is trying his best to not speak of unshiny gems in your presence. Therefore, tolerance also consists of a rank, with individual level bars each. Therefore, there would be a great difference at feeling tolerant, being tolerant and acting tolerant. Yup, the sincere, the amatuer and the hypocrite.

Since tolerance is so closely linked towards influence, the influencer would be battling to influence the victim and get him to appear sincere so that he would not fall into one of the pits of tolerance that would be potrayed to the former. But those who appear tolerant can be converted; most of the time, we feel tolerant to the act of the converter in the first place anyway.

So tolerance would then relate to one's personal beliefs and then depending on the conflicting idealogies or relative relationships of the beliefs, one would determine what sort of reaction he should take. (This again, depends on his level of 'right'ness)

Then of course, theres the forms of tolerance. From the physical threshole to the strength of one's mind, to the pain one can feel through non-strightforward situations. There have been many yardsticks for tolerance such as endurance tests and reaction experiments. Humans have again associated the attribute of being 'strong' when one is tolerant. Tolerance somehow relates to being someone of good stance and endurance. It relates also to forgiveness; although not mentioned in the process of forgiveness, tolerance is most of the time assumed to be inclusive.

So, what about the relation to christianity? How tolerent should christians be? When we speak of contridicting beliefs, I think tolerance should not be an attribute that would be termed appropirate. Why should we tolerate when the truth is in vain? But then again, we should not be fuming with aggresiveness nor defending it with a you'd-better-believe-it atttiude.

Because, theres a distinction between 'tolerance' and 'love'. And Jesus told us to love others, not to tolerate them. So maybe, sometimes we should redefine the 'rightness' of being tolerant.

Its pretty easy to get your thoughts swayed into thinking about certain matters, whether or not your a skeptic, whether or not your oversensitive and whether or not you act like you care. Theres plenty of times when influences come into the arena of life and they take shape in the form of peer pressure, uneasy emotions, worry and therefore commitment etc. You can influenced through classroom politics, through peer connectivity, through a cause-cum-effect thought process. Its almost like playing a game of magic cards, (I don't play, but I been around the hardcorers long enough to learn the rules) theres plenty of "in response to"s you can assume and play out. Corrupted with the simple analogy of a empty box being filled, influence is really a pretty simple and yet interesting component of the human life.

With this aura of influence surrounding the pillars of foundative life, the potential differences of a distortion, an exaggeration, a assumption and a hypothesis would be turned around into a democratic election without the essence of intellect nor originality; the point of such democracy would also probaly be largely capitalist-based. When someone says he wants to be influential, he assumes that his gathering clout and respect from fellow comrades or even those whose existence which must be deemed significant. But nowadays, its not really power that motivates the mindsets of the average man. Dictatorship is largely seen as morally, socially, politically and indulgentatively not equal to a worship multiplier. Meritocracy through capitalistic views have converted many to be strugglers to get the hot seats that they want and its probaly through influence that he will gander a much better chance.

But besides a common desire, influence is also in a majority when spoke of in a negetive light. Yes, we have the stereotype 'bad influences'; a step futher we have the hidden influences that might or might not concern relationships. For instance, unreciprocated love and unknown vengence. Or maybe the under-table sword battles of vengence where both parties try their best to imitate the cold war and undergo many proxy situations. Sometime, its just a very simple case of you not being able to tolerate the negetive ablity of a certain character in your life. The influence of the person might be a painful thorn in your flesh that secretes poison everytime the topic is mentioned. In such cases, influence is bad and unwanted.

Because humans themselves know and notice that they will be easily influenced, it is educationally encouraged to spend more time with the intellectuals and the people whom you want to emulate and learn from. Through such sessions of intentional or sincere bonding, there would be influence gandered and therefore the infection on your trys its luck at surviving. If the medication is extended, the effect is defintely strongly unless feelings of negetivity creeps in, which will turn the story into an influence of poison instead. Sometimes, 'bonding sessions of influence' doesn't need to come from legal and pronounced parties who do commutative performances. And a certain goal in mind to a specific vengence or want is vital at giving green light to excellent bonding and electrostatical influence. For instance, my whole robotics club is so bonded and strong because we spend lots of time together saying that robotics is a sucky cca and hold debates, discussions and critique sessions, expressing ourselves creatively to cite the qualities of the school, teachers, system and justice that we dislike. (It might lack substance, but the aggresiveness and communist-styled aggresion more than makes up for it) Thus, the sphere of influence gets larger and more firery as agreement and bonding combusts.

The effects of influence are yin-yang--like. Theres the good, the bad, the ugly and the copy. I.e. One can be motivated from the influence and decide to go better, one can be corrupted by the influence and decide to do worse, one can exaggerate the influence or distort it and mess up the acutality with no original, sincere, askance, and finally, one can appreciate, nod or be inspired at the influence and attempt to emulate it. Of course, I do not speak of the neutral as I consider them as not getting influenced in the first place. But statistically and logically speaking, people will be influenced at some point or another in a certain epoch that concerns a crossing of paths for two or more parties.

Then again, what to be influenced by and how much you want to be influenced is really determined by the victim. It depends on your identity, how much you predict or stimulate a certain relationship to be and if you want to take the stuff in or not.

So, are you influenced by my words? (I'll leave the imprint of influence through this hint of paradox.)

There is no reset button.
There are no save files.
You can't play a new game.
'can't access an older saved file.

Theres no button to skip framerates.
No arena to battle it out.
You can't get random encounters.
You can't use a walkthrough.

You will not walk across the whole world.
You will not meet NPCs.
You will not follow on to only one single quest.
You will not have the privillage of side quests.

Life is not an RPG.
Except for the gameovers; their totally different things.

A/N
This time, I'll touch on the part of the identity that is probaly the resultant causer of most problems and distresses - Our needs. Like the basic physical needs human have, the trinity of air, water and food; I liken the needs of the identity to be of food. Reason being, humans need food but treat it as a sort of indulgence now. I use the term 'Rice' to classify the food of identity to be something that is of consistence, something that can be indulged in and something that is an assumed necessity by the law of tradition and the factors of the food pyramid. Once again, these concepts and thoughts are probaly existant in the realm of psychology, living in different incarnations and ways.
________________________________________________________
--Rice: The fundemental necessities an identity craves, the lure that provokes minds to follow rituals or don a suit of glue to attract--

There is a difference between a 'need' and a 'want', by the very literal context, the difference is pretty obvious. When we analyse the situation futher, a 'want' might really be a 'need' through the fact that without such a 'want', we would be overcomed with an unpleasant emotion or tore apart by a certain circumstance when we do not commit ourselves to that need. There is the question of morality and standards in this matter, but taking the view from a more art-based floor rather than science-based, the 'needs' of the identity are really 'wants'. They could be considered as selfish, but that depends on perspective and I think I did quite enough on that topic already.

Rice can be divided into 4 main catergories, the identity is indeed a hungry creature, so lets study what it likes to eat:

From the Fine Paddy Fields of Identity....

_Certainty
You see people trying to set goals, trying to sercure insurances, trying to make sure they can settle all corners of the matter; all these stuff and more, point to certainty. Humans desire certainty, they want to be sure of things. If you were uncertain about the stablity of the computer your using now, you'll probaly have your spider senses tingling when you use it. Certaintity comes from knowledge, and thats where all those idiots that are curious about everything find their roots. Even those that seek the meaning of life-- all of them want to be certain. When your really certain about something, thats when the human folly/courage of trust comes in. When a person says he will be commited to a someone, when a someone makes a promise with a person, humans will depend on their faith in the someone/something to cite their certainty of it. Thats probaly why theres so much talk about doubt and worry and feeling insercure. Certainity is strongly craved by every identity and it means a lot to them. Ever feel the feeling of being fooled/betrayed/backstabbed? That really is extremely unpleasant and is painful in a strange way. Why? Perhaps its because someone had just dug rice out of your stomach and induced vomiting for you.

_Uncertainty
Right... well this paradox can hold from the perspective of various theories. Say..... the yin-yang theory of eternal balance. Anyway, identities do need incertainty in life as well. For the sake of variety and to eliminate boredom. Identites were all born with an adventureous spirit anyway, and it our gift of fear has usage over the uncertainties we have in life. For instance, the video games we play, the type of education system we construct, the sort of merit-based activities we had devised etc. Sub-concious signs of desire of uncertanity. The identity knows that it has to be uncertain about some things for the sake of a greater reward, a bigger sense of fufilment and a higher level of understanding. Uncertainty is what makes circumstances so damned fun, and the identity craves that. We enjoy our rice, don't we?

_Respect
I had previously intended to do a RPG project with a few friends, whereby we create a game that has the theme of the school. (title was ''Notes Hunter'') It was meant to be a parody of the education system and to show it in a comical and presentable manner, with the main aim of practising our programing skills. Tentatively it has been cancled, due to us being lazy and the storyline getting a bit too far fetched. (Yeah, I was the script-writer and plot designer) Anyway, I remeber programing the attributes for the defense points of the characters, I changed the term 'defense' with 'respect'. So as the game goes, with a higher respect, people will hit you with lower damage. And thats probaly one reason why people want such, they want respect to get that forcefield around them, to create a barrier that will provide a hiding place from aggressive damages such as humiliation or akwardness. They want themselves to appear signficant in some area, an abnormal growth in the hunger of this results in arrogance/attention seeking. At almost any stage in life, people will get that idea for a better image, therefore they strive to be better by having more self-awareness. This rice grain may not seem so big to the 'great and almighty identity', but it really is an important componeant that fits nicely into the wave form of it. Being signifcant might not be just for the sake of being proud, it can mean that you know you are someone significant. E.g. "I am a Christian", "I am a Father", "I am a teacher", "I can do Javascript Programming", "I scored full marks for that math test". This 'identificational affrimations' that we have created for ourselves, contribute to our identity.

_Love and Connection
This can be pretty obvious through the media, and I think everyone already knows of its existance. There are the many different types of love, and the identity probaly hungers for every sort at a particular stage of one's life. Loneliness can kill if it affects someone, human beings are creatures of expression and they love to communicate. They adore any bit of connection a party makes to another party and apprieciates this. Thats the reason why the uneasniess between silence when you are not exactly totally comfortable with the oppostion, the senses of 'connection' ring strongly in your identity and you go 'I HAVE to say something'. Perhaps not everyone experiences this ritual, but there are other cases that hold the same essence in point.

---
I suppose most can notice that religion provides most of the rice that is required by the identity. Well, Jesus himself had said 'I am the Bread of Life'. I won't deny that religion has indeed solved these neccesities with the exception of uncertainty that is seen through the process of life. But if the very fact hasn't touched you that the wondourous certainty that we christians are tasting now is good, why not turn around and see? Try tasting the bread for yourself.

--Epilogu[e]--
Can I say that I have moved deeper into the identity? Identity cannot really be measured by depth, and some matters are not really on the surface nor in the water either. But just for expression sake, as I move deeper into identity, I can truly see how fragile and weak humans really are. The rituals we adapt ourselves to, the cages that we cause ourselves to be trapped in...

Just for the sake of eating rice...

Footnotes:
I intend to do a Javascript style program for "The basic human Identity". That may very well be Episode 5.

I'll cut out a lengthy an unnecessary intro so I can move into the main craps of the day. So...

My friend showed me this wondrously philosophical poem of his: -- (I'll use his online alias)


So deep... go ahead and try to read the the underlying meanings and stuff.

After a series of unfortunate events, two of my friends ended up at my house to collect a CD program that one guy needed. That was the reason, or rather, excuse. The computer was switched on 'accidently', and I wasted the whole afternoon away playing crappy games with them on it. I would just like to highlight one event:-

When Zlackers and Mechrex were playing this stupid platformer and were battling a boss, Mechrex was playing and he had accidently unleashed his power, leaving him with the default 'fire punch', this is what happened: (in paraphrasal.)

M: Sian la. I think just jump around and avoid those bullets... they can rebounce to hit the boss.
Repeats process over 20 times. i.e keeps dying
Z: Aww...
M: Wait la, I think a few more rounds can kill liao.
Z: Yeah, and you been on that for like, fifty rounds?
M: No la. Ten times like that only la.
Z: Oh, right.
M: You think so easy you try la.
Z: We want to try, but you don't let us.

Finally, after ten more rounds, Zlackers take the keyboard, after dying twice...
Z: I notice the neck of the boss can be balanced on...
M: Yeah right.
Z: Hey, can eh. I'm not getting any damage here.

Everyone breaks out in mindless laughter as no one touches the keyboard while watching the boss kill himself.
Z: Ah.... See, I killed the boss.
M: Cheater lar you.
Z: Its called stratergy. I don't go around in the game jumping around looking like an idiot like you.
M: I want challenge what....
Z: Yeah right...
Then comes the arguement that results in nothing.

I didnt write my dialouge because I don't want to ruin my 'profound guy' image. (lol..)
We're seriously a bunch of childish morons. But it doesn't matter anyway... its one of those weird ways how guys bond (though they never admit it. Well not directly anyway...), acting stupid and playing games involving either a victory or a defeat.

Well...
Theres meaning and morale behind that scene, but I will have intergrity and leave this post to be another meaningless entry.

Yeah.

Numbers are usually used to represent symbolic stuff and have representative essences. With repetition, they create either mystery or pattern, or even both. With logical sequencing, they can form a intellegent program or create a garbage of equations known as math. On the literaturative level, numbers can create empasis on plotlines and bring out discussion after a depth of analysis. Numbers can also mean a lot of other things; they can signify hope. They can hint at love. They can strike fear. They can restore health. They can stir up caution and calm storms. And the etcteras... I somehow feel that if I keep ranting over this, its going to sound like I'm doing a phililosphy lesson on the first chapter of the primary one math textbook.

Personally, I have a few special numbers that I can relate to in life:

127 -- It used to be a number to signify a destruction. Really, it has a pretty long story which will be extremely stupid for me to talk about. I used to say 'Zone 127', to show a place that is brutally destroyed, now I respect the number 127 as a number of growth and transformation, with a slight hint at pain. Again, its a very long tale for me to elaborate on, especially when it involves many small moments, but basically, change and growth will come the best when you learn it through pain -- therefore Zone 127 will be a zone of refraction instead.

160 -- 'The number of waiting'. This originally started of as a joke with a friend; upon returning home from that idiot's house, I had to take the bus 160. And I still remember the hour plus I had wasted at the bustop for the bus while chatting to him. 160 became more rooted onto me when very strangely, it was potrayed out when I had to do something involving wait. Again, I decline to elaborate...

78 -- The number of inspiration. Again, this deals with a bus number. And I love the journey this bus goes through. To quote my friend, "I take this bus everytime to get inspiration, sometimes I get great ideas though sometimes I don't." (His a amatuer but extremely talented artist and very creative game/comic/anime fan) Indeed, 78 is a really refreshing bus ride - from my school, it goes past shopping centres towards a mildly dense housing area, running past a few neighbourhood schools, then it enters a business and industry circle, passes more housing estates, goes past a reserviour, passes a top school, travels onwards through insitutes and buildings and finally approaches a shopping-cum-business district, then I alight to go home. (Now everyone knows where I live. Aw damn.) A perfect trip to take when I have no need to settle any pressing workload, or when I want to just think.


.44-- I wonder if its coincedene that I everytime I look at my watch or a certain digit-processor (e.g. Menu screen digits for RPGs, Robolab inital value for rotary sensor programming, timer when I'm seeing how fast I can do something etc.) , it appears as something-44. Perhaps my brain registers a common time for me to trigger anxiousness/curiousity/nothing-to-do-ness, and I go check my watch. To me, its just one of life's werid little things.

And well, a few more that I won't move into.

Another aspect of numbers that brings out a spirit of competition, with everyone aiming to be a number 1. With everyone aiming to get a higher amount of power. Becuase numbers are the bare esstentials of the caculative comparisions, because they are the yardstick for the ponder of the ones of the world.

Some want those qualities be re-numbered on the scale of piroity, some input a plunge of desire to obtain the number.

That numbers.

This term has been rooted from the word 'enthusiasm', but it holds quite a different meaning from the origninal. Well, the general concept behind enthusiasm is at the backstage, but when someone is labeled 'enthu', the meaning differs, almost existing as a seperate ray of light altogether. Perhaps, a ray from the specturm that the root was shone into.

The critical angle cannot be found by a simple Sin i / Sin r though. The culturative meaning and significance behind the term is established from a few core hates of the human race by the global basis. Of course, negetivity regins supreme in this area. 'Enthu' peeps can be considered to have a form of fanatism, a sort of underlying desire to accomplish something at all costs, to be an elite in the field. Unlike the politically correct stance of acceptance and sub-concious respect that society and Civics teachers had tried to instill, 'enthu' peeps appear to be more obvious to be jokes of the school, odd- one-outs and being 'enthu' has sank in as an act of disgrace. There is fear in being too 'enthu' in something for the concious scare of peers drilling an akward perspective on you or instantly labeling your act as being 'enthu'. Perhaps, this stigma has resulted from initial jealousy and hatered towards those special batch, so the rest had ganged to remove such a mentality and hammer one that is opposite to it, allowing the emergence of discrimination followed by reluctance because of such boycott.

What then, about the courage to change? The need to be creative and to think out of the box in this new age? I do assume that this aspect does not affect the tale of being 'enthu' that much. Since creativity has been commercialised and emulative progresses considered new advances towards a better somewhere, the trait of being 'enthu' in this field would be respected and sought of for. Necessity, afterall, builds a wall of appluase.; Requriement creates a wave of appreciation.

What then, about the notion of being enthu about one's religion? I feel that, being 'enthu' doesn't apply here as well. Simple reason -- When you have discovered a truth, you don't have to be enthu about it. You will naturally do. For instance, when you discover that drinking water will keep you alive and free you from thirst, which idiot will think that there are some people more enthu about drinking water versus others? Well, yes there are the few moronic exceptions, but the point takes the floor.

So how can one be seriously 'enthu' about a religion? How do you compare? Should you try going into a worship session to observe those pained faces when the songs are playing and deduce a champion? Should you conduct examinations to find out the guy with the most Bible knowledge in a church?

You can't. When the truth is realised, there really isn't no point to fight over. No room for a higher growth and more respected water-drinker to experience arrogance nor neglect.

However, there may be many that get fustrated, irritated and upset over these things. If your the last person left in the church praying at a halfnight prayer service and when everyone is gone, only leaving someone there to analyse your situation, there can be two extreme viewpoints from that person: 1) God is touching your heart, 2) STOP ACTING HOLY !!!. And sadly (?), most humans experience (2). Then there is the fear when you seem to appear so knowledgeble about a matter reguarding relgion that you appear boastful about it, with eyes of despise to those beneath you, even. Matters like this do grip a large part of the glass block invovled in the ray... but no matter how tightly the glass block is gripped, the refractive index will stay the same. Its critical angle will in turn, be the same.

But seriously, being 'enthu' is and was actually quite a good thing. When your 'enthu' about something, theres this good-feeling postivite emotion that will lie within the 'enthu'ness --- Passion. This 'P' word has always been likened to fire, poetically...' a fire of raging desire'. And that should be the true, one and main radidative ability of being 'enthu' --- the use of the light, to light up the room. And fire, is symbolic of enternity and everlastingness... but also, fragility. Most importantly, it represents Hope.

And even like the flame of the candle that dances in the wind, the light that it emits is still precious, useful, light.

And the glass block doesn't even matter anymore.

This was one of those lines that keep popping up in conversations with my clique; even though the Os are near, who can imagine going through one whole year without actually touching a computer game, or worst, without actually completing one RPG ?

The majority of electronic gaming (I assume this to cover all the games that are considered 'electronic', whether or not its run by a console, computer or through a device) are really escapist fantasies. Humans desire to do stuff and desire to kill stuff and so some guy comes along and creates a 'game', getting everyone to squeal in delight and be happy. Games are meant to be fun, and so its just what sort of humans like. Nowadays, everyone gives brutality a big bear hug, but then again, almost all games invovle a form of destruction. (Even the brick game. Think of it as those poor bricks have feelings) Such an embrace has made gaming companies bolder to initate violent games and now you can easily play as the bad guy.

For those who try to make sense of stuff and find reason over every thing, the companies introduced: "Storyline", from here, RPGs were made. *appluase* Soon there was the upbeat on having character development, storyline twists, literature-like analysis on RPGs etc.- kind of discussions.

When grapics became the 'in' thing, companies begun to concentrate on producing eye-candy and this lead to more realistic appearances, somewhat disturbing when you consider who the gamers had hugged in the first instance, but society has accpeted and allowed this sort of entertainment.

Then came the tsunami of online games; this was a hit with my friends and we had indulged ourselves mindlessly into games like Gunbound, Five masters, Survival Project, Rangarok Online, Breeze etc. Stupid games really, but fun. The main fun, I believe, was playing it together with friends. The killing things as a team is excitable and a good firebreaker. We had hated MMORPGs though; I knew the concept of it was not the 'Storyline' but rather the community in the MMORPG. But the leveling up and fighting monsters after monsters just to see that digit increase was pretty pointless anyway.

Anyway... what I really, seriously want in a game (in this time frame, that is) has to be like this:
- Online, with a good buddy system and friendly community
- works in the system of having 'rounds' where each round will last, the most, half an hour
- customisable options
- a damned good storyline with reasons to do things and logic behind how game mechnisms work
- decent grapics
- good control
- no monthly fee, or better: Free! (I don't mind paying a price for the installer though)
- educational (Let's go on the quest to reach the castle of Great Molarity, to reach there you have to defeat the king of differenciation that sits in the village of Kinematics! Well, okay, that is a bit lame. But if serious elements of study could be instilled in a game, say, playing of politics for social studies; it might be a good game. Its not hard to do such a game.... someone just have to study the syllubus and then start thinking of a storyline to link the whole thing up, followed by mini quest sections so it can be online. Simple... only tedious, and somewhat cheesy)

But then again, RPGs are still the best. The only problem is that their looong and addicitve and I can't play a game that is so continous now... thats why the need of a 'round' system for the online game. A break from life, so to speak

Well.....

I'll grow up soon. I hope.

Damn you school.

Anyway, enough with the obvious. Four school days had passed and I already broke my computer treaty and realised that I really had screwed the Chem test.

The environment and circumstances is really leering me to squeeze back into a pessimistic mode. Take for example...

1. My class motto is 'creme de le creme - reality not a dream'. My seating partner spoke right after the decesion was final: 'creme de le creme - eat shit and dream'. No one in the range of hearing laughed at the statement.
2. Robotics and technology has officialy closed down and is not accepting any members this year, even though we have to train and organise a Lego Cup for the school. This is not the dish, the punchline is that no one cares and everyone is crying with regret that they joined the cca. Our juniors especially, have no future.
3. I'm surrouded by noise everywhere during lessons and keep getting talked to when I'm trying to pay attention or trying to seek the meaning of life.
4. I got a physics revison test tomorrow.
5. I'm using the computer now.
6. The world is going to end. (Wait... thats good)

A hammer. A stone. A torchlight. A door. A human. A plug. What are the similarities ?

The first two days of school saw me being almost late for it twice, rushing up to finish its holiday homework, adapting back into the noisy classroom environment and screwing a chemistry test. A perfect welcome-back episode.

The fast, stoned pace Sec 4 is going at, I have to make a life-changing proposal to the computer.

I'm going to forsake it for quite some time.

My goal is to only use it twice a week, and to use it with only the purpose of typing, downloading notes and reading literatures.

So I can safely suppose that its going to be a really long time before I properly zoneseek. A year perhaps.

But in all agreements, the other party has to agree. And I think the computer is reluctant to.

How sad.

But for the sake of not getting another game over (In BOTH instances) I'm going to try keeping my hands off this guy until I forget how to use a menu screen of an RPG.

Then again, the world might end first.

Oh wells.

I'm listening to a calming piece of blog background music as I type this.... And staring at the clear white space that awaits me to fill it.

I won't need to emphaize that a year has come and went. Everyone knows.

Every year that comes your way, every chapter that is written of your life, every assumed turning point and every epoch of awakening... its all so dreamy. So lost and so ignorant.

How does one's life get changed? When will one say that his life has been changed and declare that he has become a new person?

Its not hard to see... when a perspective is gained. When a new awareness is built. When one suddenly feels a certain realisation and gets the ringing feeling that he has woken up from this long nap.

And there are many ways... many situations that one can change.

And there are plenty of stories of life-changing experiences. From the experience of an 'I am gifted so are you' Camp, to the wake-up scolding from a friend; from the knowledge of someone who cares, to the hearing of a baby's wail. A discovery of a new science, to the tragic incident of the Tsunami. Then there is religion. There is the knowledge of a new dogma or a new teaching.

Change is so constant that is has become a variable. So frequent that it has turned into a law.

And the thing that had changed me was knowing God. Knowing about Jesus that had died on the cross and that he was raised again three days later.

What is it with you fools? The concept is simple, the truth is so clear. We had sinned and God had given us the way out. I need not speak more and elaborate futher to prove any point. There is no point to be proven. You were created by him, you walked on the land made by him. So come back to him.

Who else is capable of changing life so much, besides the creator of life himself?

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