I knew it.
I knew I would come back to the computer sooner or later I tried commiting myself to boycott it. Bah....... Damn man, creature of habit.

Yeah, thats all we are. Almost all animals are like that... scientist call their actions instinct. Their behaviour as survival calls. To cut out all the junk, their just in habits. Just like man.

Man crave routine. Sub-conciously, they throw themselves into habitual agendas, re-do already done things. To think that the defination of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results...

Anyway, I wouldn't go any further. For this blog, I finally decided to make it public. That is, if people ask, I would tell directly. They should understand anyway....

The computer is like a moon.
(Think in the perception of a werewolf.)

End of Years comming....... and what the hell can I say?
Oh yeah. Damn you world.

Looking out at the light drizzle from the outside of my bedroom's window. Listening to the "Accidentaly in Love" background music from someone's blog. And thinking... Bah. I always am doing so anyway.

Again... I have to get myself trapped into a worldly necessity. My end-of-year exams approaches and seeing the current state I am in, I decide that I need to struggle.

I would still be seeking... but blogger probaly won't see me for the next few weeks... say 4 or 5 more.

Hopefully, I won't fall back into procastination....

Ultimately... my physical life depends on this.
What I should be doing is to drown myself into the world of muggin and studying.

Please don't screw up again Zone...
Don't get a game over.
Don't.

Through the depths of time...
Through confusion in my mind.

I ran.
In the hurl of fire,
down towards the endless spiral.

Is my ignorance really there?
Overestimation to be declared?

Running and running and running somemore.
Seeking a somewhere where theres no more.

Existance.
Is it always here? The operative presence.
The essence which never lessens.

I kick up the dust and try not to tire.
Lest I fall, back into fire.

Then I feel the heat and wonder.
If my toture need still be in ponder.

I want to question yet I do not know what.
The sickening feeling of being messed up.

And all of the time aware that I know.
The knowledge of ignorance which I don't know.

Yet.

Series Introduction:-
I decided on another starting of a series... (Do wonder if I would ever continue certain series... CA is still long untouched) This one is about how one could convert a human, conversion as in any way. Well, not exactly a guide on how to convert, rather some information about the topic. Afterall, humans are hard creatures. Without instinct and gripping strongly to logic, we can be skeptical, ignorant or just plain stupid (In fashion to throw the converter into a baptism of irritation, those without ice-melting patience that is) Okay....... Enough crap.. Lets start.
_____________________________________________________

--The Probe: To break in, first we need to gather background knowledge. Know your foe--

Humans have certain things that we have to clarify and get undoubted from before striking a nice blow. Say,

Paragdiams

_Of Your Implications
What are you talking this way about? What are your intentions for? He would probaly have this wall which guards him from being converted from the fact that he thinks "oh damn, another lame moron trying to convert me". Most guys are smart enough to know when you are using propaganda or hitting on a soft spot. I know three levels of such a persuasion. Level 1 is directly telling the guy about stuff, stright talk; no beating of bush. Level 2 is showing the guy, not to your want, that you are moving towards the topic. Body language, strong connotative words etc. Level 3 is either falsely or truthfully having a civillised disscussion with the guy. (So-called) Get into harsh subjects with him, give the viewpoints and etc. And not to force him totally off in any argumentative way but be firm in your beliefs and start slowing building up a forte.

_Of Your Identity/stereotype and what you probaly would try to do
Self-explanatory I suppose? Guys assume that your probaly gonna do a whole routine of something, maybe he seen it so damn many times or know the subject so damned well but been dennying it all the time. A good move in attacking this point would be exactly asking this exact question to him, i.e. "I know you might have heard this a lot of times, but I'm different from the rest. I would not only present you the information, but also invite you to question. What is it that is holding you back?" A vague answer would mean you should press on futher, unless he uses the ultima of "its personal"

Mindset

_Generally...
All humans have different values and beliefs. To think about this properly, see this: No one in the whole world is seeing the exact same view as you now. That is, unless your looking at the same angle with the same configurated Television, but with the exception; you should get what I mean. Some might hold silent racism, a complex syndorme of the mind which needs them to perform some things, obsessive complusive behaviour, certain languages(body and verbal), etc.
So, think about it; the next person you are going to convert might have lost his family in a forest fire started by a white man, been rejected into a religious place for a specific reason, been brainwashed about certain ideas since young and had just lost his girlfriend in a car crash. There is no way a white guy could go up to him with a Bible and start with a catchline, " You waiting for your girlfriend?" Exactly people, things are always not so simple.... Never treat your treatments as such, i.e. don't underestimate them.

_Of your Subject
Take a religion for example, one guy would defintely have loads of prejudices and own set of beliefs of what its probaly about and why you guys practise such stuff. People whom just assume such things as "common" and in the end just say stuff like, "You go your way I go mine okay? Lets just give each other respect." are annoyingly difficult. There will be extreme barriers and stuff as such.

-- Epilogu[e] --
Treat the conversion of someone like the rewriting of a program code. All humans follow a certain complex program, all might have equal lines of scripting and stuff; but there are lots of differences. Much lines of code are added through influence and development. What conversion is about is actually attacking an already perfected and running code into something totally different, prehaps even overwriting much coding in the process. So, what one is actually doing when he is converting a person is actually very powerful work.

Footnotes:
Eh... watch out for episode 2? Oh well... One thing about my above is that I didn't actually went very deep into each aspect. I might take on one by one in future episodes...

Why the hell must all this happen?
Why??? Why??? WHY ?

I hate existance. Really, I do. I hate all the presences and every single aspect of conciousness, by instinct, by intellect. Both.

Irritations must happen. Joys must happen. Knowlegde must be gained. Questions must be asked. Competition must be in consistency. Emotions must be felt. Experiences must be gone through.

Why the hell? I mean whats the crappy reason for all this?
Is there a real need?

I can't continue asking now because I fear God. And I don't know what would happen to me if I did.

Yeah, I am a real skeptical guy. Wonder what would have happened if I hadn't turned to Christ.

Argh.

What are we doing here?
Following the purpose.
The purpose, by the reason?
Through the logic.
For the want?
From the necessity.
There are thresholes... only a slight resistance..
Whats our problem?
What...? We only get to have one?
Its never that simple. Nor that complex.
By logic, ones define such.
Zen.
By pattern, one deduces such.
Linkages. We know.
Yeah, we do.
But even so. We must stop, talking as if we expect everyone else to know what we know.
We were taught that we'rent we. Treating the examiners like idiots. Explaining them all the relevances, spoon feeding them all the answers.
Indeed. And even so, sometimes we must treat everyone on such equal basis.
Should we? But what more do we know? We are just as ignorant, just as clueless, aren't we.
Awareness is a forte.
Unacknowledged. Unaccepted.
We know.
Does the world?
We can't question.
Thats why we cluelessly seek answers don't we.
Yes.
Thats why we feel that we are only...

Seeking illusions.... I know.

This all falls onto luck now....
I must.... not lose... again..

Another pass was seen by the wind as the blades of the wanderers meet in equal strikes. Both descended with decent grace as each braced themselves for a blade art.

"So, you never did question what this wandering is all about?"

"I do wonder when this all started though..."

Jerua closed his eyes in the midst of the dust spray from the opponeant. He had been disadvantaged at another pass.

The man smiled to himself while twirling his blade around, in silent preparation of another strike.

"Yes. Nobody gives a damn about this at all. The tales of the older generation has been lost, the reasons have been forgotten. We just do what they did literally....... we wander..."

Jerua leaped up in symmetry to the man, he took a risk attack... Cross Sweep...

He dived down in ignored agony as he was hurt by another blade art.

"Do you think about these things when you die then? When you are leaving the way... do you care about what this is all about?"

Jerua crouched down and light mended his wounds, unsure whether the plunge was still on.
"I thought you said this was just a test of my skills..."

"That should be assumed." The man struck his sword into the ground and edged closer to him.
"Thats what the purpose wants isn't it.... it tests your skills all the time. Even on the way."

"I thought...." Jerua released grip on his sword and let it fall to the ground gently. He stood up in slight puzzlement.

"Humans thought many things Jerua. Even death. That it...."

The second was almost too fast. The man grabbed the blade and thrusted it into the heart of Jerua.

"Is one big cruel funny joke." The man hesistated for awhile, and then pulled out the sword. And silent footstepts brought him away.

The purpose never guides us Jerua. It just looks at us and laugh. It laughs at our ignorance. Our stupidity. And that we never had trusted the help of........... reason.

At all.

This was a totally ruined holiday.

Two more days, the weekends... and seeing that they are cluttered up with stuff as well.. no chance of me reviving.

Except maybe tonight.

Been slacking through an RPG, The Way. Nicely done grapics, nice concepts in gameplay and quite a good plot with a better than decent storyline. The game comes in episodes, now I'm at number 3... so I guess I still have some way to go.

I also stumbled upon this book........ the outsider, by Collin Wilson.
Scanned through it........ had this fuzzy feeling... Am I an outsider?

I need time to read the book anyway.

And time for. Other stuff.

Bah, wasted.

Wth...
A stupid crapped up essay about having care for your friends and loving your enemy as he is also another human being is DEEP ?????
Lets see... by estimation... about 2 pages written. Later on some notes refering directly to some people....
Yeah, its a blog. This guy which others think his cool enough to come up with such "deep" topics and air his views about them directly.
The comments.......I'll just take two most extreme views.
"sian"
"wah you have matured..."

Tell me guys........ Tell me..........Tell me that you people are really not that shallow...

Or tell me this is just some illusion. Some crapped up movie that I don't know I'm involved in...

I am so damned ignorant.


So tell me why ignorance is bliss?

Tomorrow's a sunday.
The end and the begining. The best genesis and the most complete omega.
Almost perfect. For a new page.

The week ahead is gonna be totally cluttered up for me, so I hope this sunday will be a revival point for me. Church to bring back my heart of worship. Rest to calm down my anxious state. Time to restore my hectic mess.

Let it be the antidote, the cure, the salvation..........

For my now.



And let me not stray from God. Let me never sway from the path of the light. Let me always be the salt of the earth.
Let me stay in the house of the lord. And be part of the family. Always.

The Damned time is choking me again. Existance is messing me up, my own presence is presenting me doubt....
Ignorance... Ignorance.... So much unrequited ignorance.

The exam fever is coming.... and that for a student is probaly what fills the very essence of his concious-common-fear. I hate those idiots who christened themselves as "slackers" and become fake seers in the resutls of their exams. Great, now irony has to strike me with some guy popping in with a "wont let the stress bring me down" msn nick......

And other stuff. Yeah, the small ones and the biggies... Nah, don't want to mention it here. Did make it clear in my first entry that I shouldn't be like some idiot pouring out their life story for the whole world to view, FOC. Period.

Times like this, I don't really care about the big picture, don't care about the deeper meaings, the shallowness of the humans of this world, the time and peace and love and hate and crappy emotions in transcending ways. The ways. The links, the endless flows................
Life.

Also, times like this when I kinda lose a bit of sensitivity to the Bible...and Christians and my
"elders" in faith.... Scary, very scary.

Its not pissed off. Not sad. Not angry. Not Regretful, neither.............


Maybe fustration.
Yeah, fustration is very close to what I'm feeling now.

Or rather, far away. To the extreme. Now beyond it.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
Funny how just how a line can make me seem angry.

**Wanted to edit the line above, too unfeeling to do so.

If I were to use the usual lingo of the typical Singaporean, Secondary Student; (I can change to this extremely effortlessly at my will, by the way) I would say:
KidRadd Rawks !

Indeed it does...
Just follow the story comics.. www.kidradd.com
yeah, its a webcomic. Takes the perspective of a game sprite, kinda looks close to Matrix, I Robot, those kind of flims... Very methaphourical to the human life. I don't exactly want to spoil the story, but one really has to read deep into the series (bout 500+ strips or so) to get the link. The jokes will keep one's attention going too.

One concept I can't help but spoil is..., ah hell. ::: SPOILERS :::

________________________________________________________

The fact of the game sprites not getting used to their programming. Not outgrowing what they are programed to do as that is what ultimately makes them happy. I.e. Radd, a hero sprite. Does nothing at all, acts as a puppet of the hero. When he is free, does the same thing, untill he outgrows it. And learn.
Oh, and at the start theres this liberation concept that seems very similar to what US is doing...
Another sad thing the game seems to show is that in the end, everyone has to fall to their purpose. Say Bogey, being defeated. And Radd, saving the day. Everyone seems to be sub-conciously spurred into doing what their scripting tells them to.
And in the end, when Bogey dies. Radd asks Dr Amp about him. Bogey is out there... but no one knows how to get him back from the script "dead".
Sounds like life isn't it?
And GI, as Radd put it... All that is done is useless, in the end it will all happen again...
Heck, I really am spoiling a lot of stuff. Hope you aren't reading this if you haven't read the comic...

__________End Spoilers_______________




"In this world, there are only the controllers and the controlled. There will be some that will not have freedom." - Paraphrasal of Crystal

---

_Past

June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009

---