Damn.....
I been procastinating. I wonder if many people do. Or maybe students soley prehaps. Procastination has been a big thorn in my life which I haven't really accepted as a problem of mine. At least not to a very concious extent.

It is amazing, in the negetive light, how I can just waste away all that time. Sometimes being absorbed totally into a Role-Playing Game, as if living the life of that character in his time frame. Sometimes getting lost in the trance of continuing music as my thoughts ran around in my head, at play. Sometime slipping time away by hiding myself into a good book, feeling temptation after temptation to read the next chapter. Sometimes travelling in the internet, exploring the various literatures consevered in its space. Heck, sometimes I just waste it thinking, daydreaming and seeking meanings. My hours usually get lost in that way.

And. Procastination almost always leads me into a sea of regret. Boundless, energetic regret. Attacking me at every angle, terrorizing me with fear, worry, guilt and pain. Ah crap.

Why? Is it because I feel no motivation in this? Or maybe because the only motivation of it is my future. The time I'm given now yells at me to wake up, stop hearing things and start speaking things. Any wepon I purchase wrongly might lead to a checkmate. A screw-up of my future.

Damn. I hate you world. I hate the damned state you have become.

The idiots have to take everything literally.
Even the human Race.

You got me in this world, so I will run. I will spirnt. I won't care for all the "gifted" pple, all the over achievers, all the Adam-Khoo-Course-Attenders, all the other people in the world who want to do well and be good. Or those who do well and don't think about it at all, instead just dwell on childish, meaningless concepts like cruhes and infuatuations and which music Cd is the damned best.

I will be a Deeper meaning-seeker and and runner.

I will feel my hair rustle in the wind.

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_Past

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