Gonna mug tonight, so decided to do an entry before heading to the battlefield.
Sigh......... Chemistry... Redox Reactions. Its the last test for the term, the final piece of paper I must score well in for a hope in an A2. An A1 perhaps. Near full marks should pull my damned B grade into something presentable.

I wonder why its always at the end of the year, at the starting of the big exams, I start to feel "slacky". I must outgrow this... Especically next year.

I never really did blog about my studies, but when I think of it... I just think of Screwed-up and Messed-up. Wait... Maybe total screw-up and mess up.

Sigh..... Wish I could take Theo and Psychology and philosophy... But now I'm stuck with the usual cores of math, english, chinese and a physics, a chemistry, social studies, history and additional math.

I used to find no problem in English. So now I am damned worried for the fail I had in the midterm. I just dunno what the hell happened. Yeah, my screwed up and unappreciated compo contributed but my comprehension isn't even far away from my expectation. Its on a different planent. And I know I am good in English. It makes no sense to see a someone who can express himself well in the languae score worse to a someone who just takes it as a normal item to translate ordinary thoughts.

For the Maths... Their all right I guess. I just have to flunk a couple of tests, then do well for the bigie.

Chinese is another thing I feel I loss form in. Sigh............

Chemistry... ? Bah, just concept problems. The only problem is that its messed up. I made no notes or very little notes this year. That makes me so messed up in this....

Physics. I like it. Sorta. But still, confusion might attack me sometimes and there goes the A1...

And, for history and social studies.... We do structured essay questions and source-based questions... I did very well in it in Secondary 2. So why am I failing this now??? What makes this worse is that its suppose to be one of my fortes; expressing oneself and seeking meanings...
Argh... Screwed.

I can't believe I just typed out an analysis of my subjects. Oh well, at least I can see the big picture, and its reaaaaally empty. Damn.

Well... Redox reaction time.

Good night ignorant world.

Been surfing around my blogs...
I have an interesting collection... Well, all of them are blogs of students, but adults who give a thought and a damn about bloggin nowadays are a rarity anyway

I see the various ways the blogs are carried out, each as if potraying a certain personality of a person, each as if showing where the person has comfort in and where his taboos lie. Then I look at the friends I have. The people I interact with and other kids in my life.

There are those who are the gamers, spending most of their time on computer games, comics etc. The study freaks, people who mug and crap and study just to get those grades. The people who are invovled into crushes, infuations and love. Or "love". And. A combination of all the stereotypes. Of course, there are more.

Are people's characters really so shallow? Or do they know more then they show?

So far I have only met one other guy in life which seem to be aware of the world and people and seek meanings. But he is kinda sub-conciously arrogant to me and always seems as if he knows this great deal more. And has this big secrect. His vocabulary is also colourful to they point of disgust sometimes. And all the above sorta draws a line between him and me. We never really did discuss anything deep. Of course I suppose I am to the dude just a superficial, ignorant jackass. Like the rest of the world? Wonder....

I look at the guys I see. Their ups and downs. Their sudden bursts of anger, rages. Or. Consistent pesimism or optimism. Or. Europhia. (Those in love especially)

Then I look at the whole damned picture. Anybody knows I'm aware? Yeah guys, I'm seeing everything here. I should reveal my name. Its Gregory. It vaguely means watching in latin. My nick strikes irony into it, I know...

But sometimes I know their problems will affect me. Afteralll, I am a teen. I go through this stuff. But.................. Ah well. Maybe I do think too much.

And after all I've seen, all I've thought about. Almost no one has called me mature.

I know, I am ignorant.

I know.

Damn.....
I been procastinating. I wonder if many people do. Or maybe students soley prehaps. Procastination has been a big thorn in my life which I haven't really accepted as a problem of mine. At least not to a very concious extent.

It is amazing, in the negetive light, how I can just waste away all that time. Sometimes being absorbed totally into a Role-Playing Game, as if living the life of that character in his time frame. Sometimes getting lost in the trance of continuing music as my thoughts ran around in my head, at play. Sometime slipping time away by hiding myself into a good book, feeling temptation after temptation to read the next chapter. Sometimes travelling in the internet, exploring the various literatures consevered in its space. Heck, sometimes I just waste it thinking, daydreaming and seeking meanings. My hours usually get lost in that way.

And. Procastination almost always leads me into a sea of regret. Boundless, energetic regret. Attacking me at every angle, terrorizing me with fear, worry, guilt and pain. Ah crap.

Why? Is it because I feel no motivation in this? Or maybe because the only motivation of it is my future. The time I'm given now yells at me to wake up, stop hearing things and start speaking things. Any wepon I purchase wrongly might lead to a checkmate. A screw-up of my future.

Damn. I hate you world. I hate the damned state you have become.

The idiots have to take everything literally.
Even the human Race.

You got me in this world, so I will run. I will spirnt. I won't care for all the "gifted" pple, all the over achievers, all the Adam-Khoo-Course-Attenders, all the other people in the world who want to do well and be good. Or those who do well and don't think about it at all, instead just dwell on childish, meaningless concepts like cruhes and infuatuations and which music Cd is the damned best.

I will be a Deeper meaning-seeker and and runner.

I will feel my hair rustle in the wind.

**This is a starting of a series I most probaly would continue. The Character Analysis-cum-Assesment of certain people I see in my life. Of course, one cannot catergorise in such limiting ways. There will be the lookalikes, the exceptions and some with differences. Take this analysis as vague.

Stand: Unbeliever

Paragdiam: Respects all the religious teachers i.e. Mohammud, Buddha, Jesus Christ as soley teachers and only man of great wisdom; seek knowledge in life. Is open to any wisdom and path that can be taken. Stays a neutral party and doesnt decide on a way to follow. (Some may see all the religions are the same)

Perspective: Sees the world as a test/game/illuison. This depends greatly on which views he has choosen to believe to a higher degree compared to the others. Is knowledgeble and might make own points of views on topics which are towards deeper meanings. Thinks religion is becoming too much of something like a football club, remains constant and neutral to religions.

Attitude: He would cite anyone who holds a strong belief in an area and not consider other fields as narrow-minded and unopen. Believes there is no one way to things and that things universally are constant. One cannot force down a belief on them easily unless he moves towards his perspective a little as he is totally bent on saying you are too narrow-minded in seeing such things.

Comforted by: Anti-chaos. People whom he see are great in terms of their speaking, opinions or beliefs which take on a more universal and open mindset. Reason and Logic. Respected people. Questions which can be answered.

Existing Deeper Transcendence: Well, this character is already drawn out quite well by the above. I would use S.P.P.A.C.E. to do my analysing... for future guys. Anyway, this guy has been seen on the surface, what else is he like? What presence is existant in him? Something I just thought of is that if I did not become a Christian and hear the truth, this character might be a lot like me. This guy is someone who dwells into psychology, philosophy, deeper meanings....he might have a practical side to him but his nature of seeking for meaning is probaly stronger that his pragmatic views. Reason and Logic are his friends as well. He uses them very sub-conciously, especially in the labeling of "narrow-minded" people. Why is he acting like this? It could be a fear of accpetance. A reluctance to move from views? He is a very neutral person anyway, so it could be great fear. A small extent of confusion prehaps and therefore the search of universal things...

============ Oh well, testing.... CA went quite well. I might attempt more complex characters next time.

The world is so sickening.
It was just a conversation about this cousin of mine who needed no tution in his secondary days and still got into that JC, got that scholarship and got that title in the army.
Yea, some stupid comparison to me. Comparison using the antics of logic and reason, and evidences and the tangibles. Comparison filled with utmost biasness, limitless show of pargmatic beliefs and a dogma which transcend a tradtionally 'ok' paragdiam. By the world.
I could just kill my emotions off and say great job to it, cousin. And deny my savage desire, my burning want. The truth. Because.
The whole education system, when you look at it; is one big joke. People who thought about schools and learning had the right concept. But the subjects to instill for learning, the needs and reqiurements for studying, tests and revisions and mindless exams. Grades and mugs and overly abundant worry. The labeling of type. The classification of standard. The selection of the best. The death of the rest.
Its just one big, idiotic game. People play it for the sake of their future, for the sake of the life they would have, the path they would take. I don't think I will use the stuff I learn in school now next time in the reality of the world.
Why doesnt anyone ask what I want to be when I grow up now? They asked it so damn much in the early days of my youth. When I was clouded by the lies of the world and inhaling so much ignorace. You know, the days when answers were "Policeman!" "Fireman!". The world is LAME.
They almost NEVER consider that point NOW. When they were given the gifts of logic and reason, why don't they use it properly??? Hell! They don't know how to even use the sole gifts of power that were given to them in the first place?

And this is another reason why I hate you world. I hate you so much you sickening world.

_Update
No, I don't hate the world. The world was created by God. It was good. I hate what the world has become.
And I shall not travel solely in the paragdiam of the world. I will be jogging on that path, trapped in the rat race of destruction or paradise. And when I go through it, I will remeber that it is only provisional. A temporary trance.
I will not ask when will the world end anymore.
I will ask, what can I do in this world when I am still a presence in it. I will transcend it.
For God.

No...
The most important things in life sometimes do not hold titles as well. So why should this post out of nowhere hold any authority in having a crappy title?
Yeah, heck about the title.

Anyway.... thinking of stopping this blog.
Here, stop reading for a moment and assume all you like.
Done? Great.
I was thinking of stopping this blog and starting a few new ones. Or prehaps just start a few new ones and keep this blog. Why? Organisation sake.
People like to start things afresh... The probable reason why some dudes like buying a totally brand new *Insert object here* and end up..... well, dream the possibilities...

I am neutral about the idea of a dead blog....
Oh wells. Was deciding to open a new blog, a something to be my scrapbook of some sort to paste all kinds of articles, quotes and basically crap onto.
And also a blog on thinking matters, posts there could have titles like Human's Ignorance 1.1.
And finally a blog where I post writing stuff, like I get up a random word and do a short story on, or prehaps poems...

Anyway.... Just a thought. (Never underestimate thoughts)

Good night world.

I got this from a Garfield comic...
Picture Garfield holding a rubber bone with a scratching pad behind him.

"Dogs have the stupidest toys. Just look at this rubber bone. Simple Minds, Simple Pleasures. It certainly doesn't hold the scintillating intellectual challenge of my fuzzy scratching post with the springy rubber mousie."

LoL?
This tells a very nice story of judging others and being in your own perspective. Its also just like us, seeing things in our own worldly view and using the sole gifts logic and reason which God had beseeched on us. Again, in this situation, we have the concept and naturally assume that logic and reason are supposed to be the testers of things.
Hey, God could give you more gifts couldn't he? There might be much more than using logic and reason. So please don't give us some crap on blind devotion and faith being illogical.

Anyway.... I spent quite some time at the Libary today reading the garfield comic. Heh. Garfield is kinda inspirational at times. Just realised it today. I mean, grab a book and read, see symbolism and see hidden meanings. Linkages and concepts and such. Like, take time to study it. I dunno whether Jim Davis was intentional in doing the backdrops, but now that I discovered such, I think it was that which sub-conciously pulled me into being a Garfield fan in my pre-teens.

Let me just give a bit more symbolism...

Pooky
Source of comfort to him, comic strips invovle peer pressure, love, a necessity of such an element in life, show the power of silence, show how someone likes something etc.

Jon
Owns Garfield, but does he really? Leader, but is he one ? Deals with his dressing, his image, and when you tear down all the junk; a guy with no one near him and only a cat and dog for company does strike pity to him.(From you)

Nermal
Cute. But is it liked? Shows jealousy and stuff, shows how beauty can sometime be irritating, or hated.

.... And lots of other stuff like spiders and mondays and etc. But I think I can't really say much here. I need a Garfield strip. From there I should be able to do literature-fashion analysis on it.
I mean, look, search...
Seek.. deeper.

This can be considered an update to the old post on "Noticing"
Now I wanna add more terms into it, like patterns and coincedence...

Is it cause we humans are creatures which seek meaning... seek answers and find logic and patterns that we start saying stuff happening were coincedences?
I am are we such beings to the extent of going overboard into defining coincedental stuff and give likewise explanations for the patterns we see in life? Because we care so damned much about logic?
People say the world was one big coincedence in the first place... I believe otherwise.
But maybe such conclusions like those were all rooted from the fact that we were seperated from God and stripped of ablity to think infinitely; or rather, understand infintely.
I know lots of people have talked about this topic. In a wholesome fashion. Big chunks of information repeating the same fact decorated with unecessary vocabulary and unneeded illustrations...Exotic. Awe. Natural. Retarded.

Anyway, I thought of this cause I had found a lot of patterns in stuff. Not only in science and etc. but in the emotional side of things, how often you meet a person, how often a certain emotional cycle repeats, how often certain feelings would be instilled etc. etc.
A viewpoint thrown at this statement would probaly be somewhere between thinking its overeaction to thinking its kinda true. Or you could think I'm just becoming mental.

And whenever I think of stuff like this.... to a very large level, I stop and start viewing the side of things in the form of deeper meaning. One must realise I do not blog and write everything I think. The mind is not so dense. If you think such, you are underestimating a lot of its ability.

So.... do such patterns really exist? If they do, we can't find them scientifically can we? It is based a lot on coincedences anway... If one uses the scientific method, the results would be shourded with error and he has to be a thrid party.

Sigh... IwonderwhysometimesIfeelsoignorant
Yeah... Why?

I finished A Blurred Line...
Expected it to be much longer, but it turned out that there was a sequel... Line's End, supposedly coming out in Winter 2003. Seeing its now Summer 2004, I can guess the amount of promise that the game's coming out holds.

Anyway, great game... Started off by putting you in the perspective of three guys first, then pulls you into the story one year previously where you role-play the guy those previous three were stopping. He gets late for work, gets framed for murder and runs.... Later on getting powers to detect auras and absorb them, using such for skills of himself. Then the story continues... with twists and turns and more characters, also giving lots of options in the game, thereby needing the player replay the game to see all the scenes.(I cheated) I didn't expect much character development after seeing the first part seemed to be just a one man show (Although there were flashbacks at the intro sequence) But there was quite a lot of character development, and with this old lady who looks into the past of the guy you choose.... Its tempting to cheat and see all the pasts of the characters.

Still.... the game is shourded in mystery and provides a lot of suspense and questions. And I would say that none of the questions are answered at this stage. (I am still thinking whether to hug or punch the creator of ABL for that cliffhanger ending) I really am curious to find out what the heck will be happening.

Anyway....... Thats it. A Blurred Line 2.1., Zoney's review...

Anyway... I started on a new RPG! Finally....
Its made by RPG Maker 2000. A Blurred Line
Nice story, Good gameplay, excellent characters and overall, a nice experience.
Will review it when I finish. Well... most probaly.

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