"Reality is a momentary dream, Life is an illusion we seek..."

- Zoneseekers

There is no now...

Why? Cause its too damned abstract to describe. How do we say now? On the general basis? Qualitatively? Quantitatively? How do we measure it then? There is no feasible yardstick. When we quote "now", are we taking a second, spliting it into several moments and stating that a single moment of that second is now? If we were stating it on the general basis, then how long would the time be elasped? When would now end? I have realised and noticed that when I say now, now is gone. Therefore, there is no now...

And that is sad. What am I doing? Regretting the past? Ah wel... I have agreeed with myself at a very early age that regret is one emotion I hate feeling the most. Regret.... I HATE it. I can almost guarantee myself that I will never have another emotion which I would exibit more emotion to the emotion then regret. But is regret an emotion in the first place?

So what do I regret...? Many things... yet do I feel like going back in time to change the stuff? No...I don't. If I do, I'll probaly mess up my life more.

One regret I have.. is that I didn't spent my early youth gandering myself more vocabulary. I do feel sad that now I am conversing in prehaps jus above average vocabulary with a limited spectrum of variations I can face and use. And no, that really wasn't sarcasm... I do know plenty who are a lot stronger than me in the fields of vocabulary and self expression, description....

Oh well... anyway, now is gone. And what I should do instead of regretting later. Is to regret... NOW.

Good night world.....

"Love doesn't stop when people stop seeing each other."

"It doesn't?"

"People love god without seeing him for their whole lives don't they?"

"That's not my kind of love..."

"Maybe there is no other kind..."

- The End of The Affair, Sarah and Bendrix

I watched the show a few days back, yeah, I know it is a R flim but I watched the one with the cuts. It was on TV anyway...And singapore TV...

It is a pretty good flim, exposes the darker side of writers which I must appluade. The one having the upperhand with a forceful,superior tone is Sarah Miles. Bendrix is the writer...
And my review? Well...The show is about an affair that happened. It is about a promise to God. It is about a needed fulfilment of that certain promise. And it is about a broken, unspoken promise because of such a covenant with the almighty. But of course, it is about this very jealous man. With strong emotions of hatered,vengence and love. Notice I keep backspacing the last word to my last sentence. And I know that was not much of a review, but I don't like giving spoilers to a great flim anyway.

I wonder if all great, deep and saddening flims have to deal with human emotions and God.

But just look at life...

Existance....
I question it...
I don't mean the "whats the meaning of life", "what is life" nor the cliched "Why are we here" crap...
Sometimes I do have this wish... Its slightly like death, but no its not death...
Its a wish that I never been born... That the world was never created. That humans never lived and walked and breathed on this earth. Its abstract... unimaginable...If I think of it, I think of me as if I am in this deep, long sleep that I will never wake up from. Cause everything is not around in the first place.

There would be no hopes, no dreams, no life, no death.
No thoughts, no creations, no determination nor preseverance...
No stupid competiton... No pain...No suffering...
No questions... And obviously no answers...
No joy... No happiness.. No laughter, No celebration...
No inferences, No implications... No desire to die... No wills to live...
No causes... No effects
No consequences...No decisions... No turning points...No choices...
No victories, No defeats...
No emotions... No remorse...
No faith, no love, no trust... No courage, no hunger, no starvation..
No lies...And
No truth...
Everyone will have no indiviuality as they never were around.
There would be no comparison and therefore no competition.

Is there a need for survival? Is there really a need for existance?
A NEED.
Not purpose, not cause, not reason.
NEED. IS THERE ?
Otherwise I will have to stick with the fact that we are just to be.
We live, just to be...We exist just to be...

Its sickening really. But this is life, I am in it.
I feel... a great strong smell of.....

Ignorance......

From life? Heck... No one really cares do they?

I just had an interesting chat with a friend..
Well, too bad I don't know him well enough, he is indeed an interesting person with a interesting mind.

For one, he chats with multiple accounts which gave the ambience of the many-smiths scene in the Matrix ("That is a dolar show" "This is reality!") And, the interesting conversation had me not even knowing what the topic was... well, I won't move to details...
I do really want to find out what he was going at though.
Seriously... TO WHAT?
>Paraphrasal Begins here<
... "Excuses"
"Assumptions..."
"Reasons...Lies..."
>Paraphrasal Ends here<

Well, here's a chunk of the chat we did, a small bit...

>Why are you wasting your time?

>>i dunno... seem to do that without thinking

>Fool.

>And yes?

>>nvm... forgotten wat to say after deciding which box to chat in...

>An excuse again?

>>excuse... to wat ?

>Read. Understand. Respond.

>>ur refering to... ?

>WRONG ANSWER.

>>I'm still trying to answer the question right ?

>You have zero tries left.

>Have a nice day.

>And remember - I told you so.

>>cld u at least tell me what the hell happened ?

>Wrong answer.

>>I thought u said i had zero tries...

>Wrong again.

>>ok ok... how abt... , cld u give me a gmail account, I heard acount holders do get occasional privillages at inviting pple.

>>wait....... is this still about gmail ?

>*grins*

>What do you..think?

>>to...... which question ?

>Wrong answer.

>>*smack* not again... what about the grin ?

>In your mind.

>You're fun to play with.

>*grins*

>>*shakes head* ok... back to ur last question, how abt....

>>Yes...

>Too late.

>>I seriously didnt know there was a time bar...

>Game over. You lose.

>So, how's the attempts at gmail going?

>>i forsaken it quite long ago

>>and.... why do u speak as though its a change of subject... i tot we were on this subject all along ?

>Fool.

>>i certainly do feel like one now...

>>u noe usually pple i chat wif fill me in on what we are chatting about first

>Assumptions, assumptions.

>>i was gonna ask about wat.... oh well...

>You bore me, kid.

>>well... novelty wears off...

>>remeber u said i was fun to play with

>WAS.

Then the computer showed he seemed to be typing something... but it didnt appear..

> = him, >> = me but it should be quite obvious

bizzare...

oh yeah.. gmail? bah... I had quite enough with doing anything with it now... the chat was kinda, weridly draining...

Gd nite world......

Let me recount what happened to me a few days back....
Nah... No crappy adventure or anything.

Basically, I was in a rush for time to reach school, to be exact...I had 20 minutes.
(Yeah, the wake-up-late-see-clock-slap-forehead syndrome)I took a mental note of the time while rushing to chuck in my half-crushed homework into my bag. I arrived at the train station with 7 minutes to spare. So I calmly did some caculations and figured out I had 2 minutes to rush to school and 1 minute to figure out where the classes where held unless I could remember it during my 3 minutes in the train which was arriving...in 1 minutes time.
Then I couldn't help but notice this guy chatting with great irritation to his...friends. I somehow didn't like his posture and tone and my great mind had to wander away to decide whether he would be a good friend to me if he was.

Well...To conclude the story, I was late. But so were many others(80% of the class and anyway most weren't even present.(Well, It was a holiday optional class)
But my point at this is that... The mind notices things.
Well, duh. I suppose many already long realise that when we seek blue we find blue.
But the real point is that, we probaly spend too much time noticing stuff we had not earlier noticed.
The "Notice" I'm using is in a broader sense...
Once we notice stuff, it stays in the back of our head. So while we are not noticing stuff, in the acutal sense, we ARE noticing it sub-conciously. Therefore, we won't notice those stuff when we see them again, but only when they are out of the ordinary that we will once again notice what we had long ago noticed and accepted through our noticing long before.

Yeah... I know this is too damned elementary and nothing big to comment about. Maybe thats cause you readers, and myself had already noticed this thing. But I just decided to zoneseek here to see what I can find from what I know about this matter of noticing...

Thats sometimes is it...... Try noticing the stuff you already had noticed long before. I mean, notice them again.

Ah well.....
No music on for me now. I notice the usual car noises out at the street.
Anyway, wish me good luck as I try to notice more stuff... some already noticed, some not...

I hate being sick. Period.
The feeling that you’re weak, powerless, having this irritating source of energy that is being drawn from you all the time… Its limitless, the kind of pain you can feel. Physical pain, I mean. The boundless draw back of energy removed of me has no pleasure of giving me enough thoughts to review the emotional side of things. Although it is true/cliche that the body is always connected to the mind.
Yet the pain…
Yeah… Pain.
There are so many different kinds I can feel, I suppose everyone has been through it; I do wonder if they take notice.
Lets see now, there’s the sort of pain that comes from headaches, yeah. A complete torture as you try all means to massage your temples, cursing the pain to be removed as you try lying back on the bed, chanting perhaps, a prayer. To cut down on the junk, its basically pain in the head.
Then there’s the pain you feel from a sore throat. Even from here, I can branch out to several more sources. The flam in your throat, you swallow it, feeling its so damned hard to drink water as your throat is simply yelling “Pain!” The feeling is complete soreness. It is connected to you trying to blow your nose as you get the flam out through it, or through your mouth as you try to cough it out.
One of the pains I hate to feel most (actually, I hate them all) is feeling nauseous. Yeah, the damned feeling you try to avoid, at least one will feel better when he vomits. Yet, the feeling of nauseous-ity with you trying your damned best to vomit out all the stuff so you can stop feeling as if in a combination of fear and reluctance. This is especially true if you’re in a car or someplace where you can’t barf. Just the thought of you not being able to barf out, therefore you resist the desire to barf. Yet the feeling of nauseous-ity builds up in you, before you know it.
The feeling of being weak sucks too. No energy to do anything, probably just sleeping a day of your life away, when you wake up, having the sort of feeling that it’s hard to get up and do work…
Ah… crap, enough about pains.

Black eyes peace just came on the radio. 98.7… wanted to hear Power 98 but there seemed to be something wrong with the radio link. Well, its cool now hearing “Where is the Love”, ironical as well too… Should that sum up my emotional-talk today, as I don’t feel like mentioning? Heh…

Good night world…

"The irony of sarcasm is that its never ironic"
- Zoneseekers

My first post...
Wow...

There was once a time I saw the blogs on blogger...I saw the noun "blog"
and figured it was some sort of online diary.
I was skeptical... Posting what you did in your life for the whole world
to see? Who the hell would do something so idiotic...?

I mean... Since there ARE people like that... I might as well read their life
stories, indulge myself into what they did.

It became rather appealing for myself to get a similar device for myself..
Not to post my life story.. But rather to blog literature, to get my thoughts
transcend through the areas of the internet...

Or what I would call.. Zoneseeking...

Therefore, Damn the decorations and music and other crap to go with blogs...
All I'm getting myself here is a place where I can do just plain bloggin...
And don't give a damn about the rest of the stuff...

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